I found Roommate 9 on Craig's List (which most likely should've been my first clue about the awfulness to come). Roommate 9 went to college with me, but we only knew each other through mutual friends. He came over to look at the place and was nice enough, but I was wary after he left because he talked and talked and wouldn't leave for over an hour. Hidden in our dialog were precious nuggets of knowledge like "he genuinely liked American Idol (as a 23 year old straight male) and he really loved to do karaoke and hoped, that since I played guitar, we could "get together." He also had quite a crush on a certain professional athlete that refuses to retire every summer, and since I despise this athlete, things could get shaky around the house.
Regardless, I needed a roommate and he had a check that day! So he was in. My next clue about his awfulness was when he moved in he told me he had a couch, but it mysteriously broke the day before he was supposed to move in. He didn't have any of his own dishes or silverware, and had about 5 plastic cups (I don't mind sharing, until I realize that he doesn't do his own dishes, which sort of seems like a slap in the face since they are my dishes, that he is eating off of, and then I have to clean them. I AM NOT A DENNY'S.)
Even worse, on the day of his arrival, he asked if it would be alright to hang some posters in the common area. These posters included a "Wedding Crashers rules of crashing" posting and the completely stereotypical college poster where John Belushi squeezes into a shirt that says "college." How unique! I decided to put my foot down and let him know we werent in college anymore, if he wanted to hang posters, he had his room. I prefer bare walls anyway.
Later on, I would find out that not only did he not know how to wash dishes, but he didnt know how to use a dishwasher! Often, I would open up the washer after a clean load, and find cups stacked face up, so that they were filled with water afterwards. Faaaaaaantastic. And to complete the non cleaning trio, I figured out that in the 9 months he lived with me, he emptied the dishwasher a total of: 1 time. 1 time in 9 months!!!!! I figured this out one day when I realized that all of my utensils were put back all helter skelter. Big spoons with the little spoons, forks upside down and sharp knives with the cutting edge straight up (safety first).
There were a plethora of other things that I grew to hate about him as the months wore on: he couldn't program his own tv, or work the remote on mine, he drank southpaw beer like a champ (disgusting), he left said beer cans in my recycling bucket without ever taking out the recycling bucket making the entire apartment reek like the back alley of a bar, he ate mostly oven baked pizza (and not even Digiorno, which is by far the best), he had a girlfriend who was way too pretty for his face that was marred by acne, he had the weirdest haircut ever, like when you shave your head and let it grow out without ever getting it trimmed. So all the hair is equally long and it just sticks straight out and cowlicks like a 50's sitcom child star. He would have 3 or 4 male friends over a few times a week, but they'd only hang out in his room and pound a case of southpaw in one night (his room was very small, cramming that many guys into one room might have caused accidental penetration).
Which brings me to two of the biggest points: There were 3 separate occasions where my roommate locked me out of the apartment (yes, I had a key, but he decided that he needed to chain our door, because we lived in a dangerous neighborhood, across from a best buy and a target! Yikes!). Two of the occasions I had just gotten back from a long tour with the band, so it was about 3 o'clock in the morning. The first time, I pounded on the door, screamed loud enough for the neighbors to come outside, and he finally opened it and muttered sorry.
The second time he was much quicker about it, but it still happened, and I warned him never to do it again, it was MY apartment. So the third time it happened I was none to pleased, and luckily it was the most interesting time. First, I get home with a bag of clothes, a blanket, a pillow, a guitar amp, a guitar and a pedalboard and after making two trips up 3 flights of stairs, bed at 2 am sounded sweet. I go to open the door, but it is chained, I bang, I call his number, and nothing. Then through the crack of the door, I see his light turn on. I close the door, assuming he is coming and then 20 seconds later, he still hasnt unlocked it. I re-open the door and now the light in his room is off. I bang and bang again and finally someone comes to open the door. It is not my roommate, it is one of his shirtless friends and when he opens the door he gives me a look that says "Can I help you?" (as if I don't live there.) I push past him, in a huff (of course), and then another friend comes out and mutters a meek apology about how they didn't mean to lock the door (I hate when I accidentally walk to the front door and slide metal into metal, happens wayyyyyy too often).
My roommate was obviously told about this, and apologized to me, because he was sleeping and wasn't there to make sure it was unlocked. I did not accept. Things came to head with the worst roommate ever after I told him the lease was up at the end of April (I extended this 9 days, just to make moving easier, and I paid all of the extra cost in doing so). So when i asked for the April rent, and he decided he was only paying half (because he was moving out on the 15th), things exploded. Apparently he was still in college mode and didn't realize how the real world works, you have to pay rent for the entire month, even if you arent living there. His reasoning was that originally the move out date was the 21st and so he wasn't going to pay the whole month (even though I told him end of April form the beginning). We had a screaming match through my door after I sent him an email explaining how the real world works and he decided he would pay up to the 21st asking "IS THAT FAIR?" It wasn't fair, but it was better than less than half, so I took it and never spoke to him again. He did not clean the apartment when he left, after promising to do so 3 weeks prior. I hope he is currently burning in hell.
I thought he was the worst roommate ever, until I lived in a sublet for 3 months. Part 3 tomorrow.
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