The week in between Christmas and New Years has to be the most worthless week of all time. Usually the two major party holidays bookend 4-5 workdays at the end of a year when no one wants to work anymore. This year is especially worse as both days fall on a Monday, consequently doing two things to me: making me work the day after Xmas and giving me the tease of a shortened week. Isn't it better to have a that day fall on a Wednesday? That way most people would have at LEAST tuesday off, maybe thursday. All I'm saying that if Jesus wanted to be helpful he would have made sure that Christmas was always on a Wednesday - like Election day is the first Tuesday of November. Come on jesus, lets get some consistency here.
Anyway I'm currently watching Everything is Illuminated - which starts as a kind-of happy go lucky adventure and very quickly turns into a holocaust downer. Oh HBO, you are so clever - trying to make the christians feel bad the day after. The rest of the break will probably be spent watching this movie 74 more times - or half the amount of times HBO will show this in the next 5 days. Count it up - its possible.
In other movie type news - I recently had the honor of not seeing Rocky Balboa - but I will still use this time to prattle about its assured awfulness. My two biggest faults in the film are that a) Sylvester Stallone is still alive and b)...reference part a. There is no way any 60 year old man could be the heavyweight champion of the world. What's that you say...? Rocky was a pro...he could do it! Well then let me blow your mind.
Picture this: Your grandfather, sagging breasts, a mean case of arthritis and cheeks that flop like the side of an Alabama strippers ass. Now assume your grandfather had a strict training regimen thirty five years ago when he was in "the war." Now this obviously nimble cage fighter will go up against Mike Tyson - not crazy face tattoo Mike Tyson - I'll bite your fucking ear off Mike Tyson. It's the same exact thing. No way this could ever happen. Come on - for a movie based in the reality that a "nobody can do anything" this has to be the absolute last straw.
Now what Stallone should've done is play the reverse role. Rocky goes crazy and challenges the champion to a duel. In said duel Rocky waits till the 2nd minute of the 4th round (so there are enough good fight scenes) to unleash the crazy. The boxing trunks come off and Rocky pulls off the razor blades taped to the sides of his leg. Without going into much detail he becomes a killing machine. Going on a serial killer type rampage before being murdered by the Predator. Yes kids, this movie would be called "Rocky vs. Predator: Which franchise is most dead?"
This is the only viable direction for the franchise to go and is as crazy (albeit a different crazy) as the plot of the real rocky 6. Anyway - Merry Holiday week. New Years alone two years in a row!
