Today, I had the same bus driver two days in a row and this is only of note because on the first day I had him, he tried to destroy my soul. If you are unfamilliar with public transit and the people who operate the buses and trains, you can generally imagine people that don't give a shit about you and will most likely try to make you shit your pants while speeding around corners in a 53 foot death trap. This is actually preferred. Bus drivers often let slews of people on when their transit cards don't work and show about as much effort and respect for the job as Eddie Murphy when he decided the Adventures of Pluto Nash was a good idea.
This makes it easier for everyone, you don't bother them and they only bother you when are at a 45 degree angle looking over the roof of a Ford Taurus. These last two days I was not lucky enough to have such a bus driver. My transit card is a UPass, given to me by my school for use throughout the semester. It has my picture on it (where I attempted to smile and came out looking a little too creepy to be within 50 feet of a school) and the picture is smack in the middle of the card. When you swipe the card it swipes through a machine vertically and thus when it reads, the entire card is in a machine. In the 8 months I have had this card not once has anyone given me trouble for using this UPass.
This bus driver, probably hoping for a promotion, decided that he needs to see the picture on the card as it swipes through the machine. A process that takes 1.3 seconds to swipe, and this driver thinks he will catch a glimpse of my chubby face in a 1 inch picture from 4 feet away. As I swiped the card and began my journey past the horrific faces on the bus (generally, only crazy people take the bus, I'm not sure why, since it's a valid form of transportation and I'm not sure if that also makes me crazy) and he stops me.
"See your ID?" he grumbled in a voice that had obviously been tarnished by years of Lucky Strike cigarettes.
"Huh?"
"SEE YOUR ID?"
I take my headphones out and he says it one more time with this delightful explanation attached. "You are covering the picture on the card because you don't want me to see who is actually on there, so I need to see your school ID."
I hand him the ID and he then stops the bus completely and compares the two for at least 6 seconds (the pictures on each card are the same) and then begrudingly realizes I wasn't trying to scam the CTA and tells me not to cover the picture anymore. This card is the size of a credit card and you have to hold it from the top to swipe it, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to show him my picture without mashing it against his eye.
This morning, when we met again, I pulled out the card like a dainty southern belle holding out her hand to be kissed at the Kentucky Derby (although I forgot my fancy hat). I clutched the card so gently from the top corner with just my thumb and index finger, that a light breeze would've blown it away. The angry white bus driver knew it was me, I held the card up to his face and then swiped and he nodded, allowing me the honor of sitting on a bus I had already paid for. The moral of the story? You can't trust whitey.
