The Time I (And Everyone Else) Couldn't Find A Career After College

So I believe most readers of this blog are college graduates or at least reading on a 5th grade level ( and thus have the ability to pretend like they are in college). As you might be able to tell from the title of this blog post, I too am a college graduate. I graduated from the great Elon University. The school with so much accreditation that it had to raise the tuition by nearly $10,000 (these numbers may not be factually correct) in the 4 years I went there. For those math majors, they are on pace to charge $50k/year by the year 2016! God bless America!

For my four years Elon crammed it down my throat that Elon would be on a level with Duke and UNC in terms of reputation within a matter of years (number 2 school in the south according to US News and World Reports). What those numbers apparently DONT account for, are the schools that actually make it on the top 100 list. So, in reality, the order goes: any southern school thats in the top 100, then Richmond U then us. So we are like ...17 ish in the south (not bad for a region known for it's intelligence). To be fair Elon's reputation did help. My new job gave me decent money only because I want to Elon, so in some ways it did help me out. But the fact that my current career path is currently spent with kids who did not go to college....well, let's just say that Elon has some work to do when it sends its prized possesions out into the real world.

If you walk the grounds of the campus on a tour, you will hear about the career center, working hard to find students jobs post graduation, because Elon wants to help their students and in turn help themselves when, ideally, a bunch of CEOs will thank Elon for their success. This sounds good and there is no fault in the theory. Practice, however, is a little different.

The communications school has pictures lining the hallways of its famous alumni and where they have worked, but it feels like a select handful make this jump to intern at MTV and maybe get a job there. But all you see when you walk the hall is a former student working at MTV (and let's be real isn't that the pinnacle of life, getting to stare at such celebrities as Vanessa Minillo and the whore from One Tree Hill all day?) and that doesn't mean they actually got a job there.

They say it's all about what you put into it, but that is untrue. Many of my friends worked the career center like Heath Ledger worked the streets for Ambien (Why So Sleepy?) and it got us nowhere. Below I am going to recount the stauts of careers of my friends who graduated Elon and any additional stories that may be included.

Kelson - I graduated with a BA in Corporate Communications (hoping to work for the Music Industry). I originally accomplished this feat by working for a entertainment marketing/event production company out of college. But this was in no way thanks to Elon's help. I started as an intern (found the internship through my mom's friend) and was working full time by the time I graduated college. NOTE: I quit temporarily my senior year and tried to use the career center to find other jobs like that, but the list they showed me was about 4 entries long and I feel like Apex, NC isn't the main hub for the entertainment industry (but maybe that's just my New York bias.)

Current Status: Working two jobs including Pizza delivery where I take orders from 18 year old kids who giggle when the name on the ticket reads Stoner.

Dan - Dan also graduated (albeit a semester late) from the communications school. Dan is an out going young man that could win over even the grumpiest of bosses on an interview and had experience working at a TV station in college. The problem is that Elon doesn't help you get interviews or internships, they just make you write 28 page papers on what your internship taught you. (An excerpt from my journal went something like: Today I learned more than I ever did in class. I couldn't believe that corporate communications wasn't just about Public Relations.)
No I'm not bitter.

Current Status: After a good 6 months Dan finally found a job in TV as a morning graphics person. Sometime later the company downsized (GOOOOOOOOO Economy!) and Dan is currently working retail and living with our mutual friend Cory.

Cory - Cory and I haven't spoken since our torrid love affair in the 80s, so this is all second hand. She majored in ...something...and she definitely graduated Elon.

Current Status: Daycare (aka organized babysitting). When a degree from Elon puts you on par with a 12 year old girl obsessed with Miley Cyrus, you know you are on the right track.

Scott 1 - Scott 1 graduated the year before me. I consider him the most succesful person on this list as he hosted his own morning show somewhere in the nether regions of Georgia. I admired him on the Elon 14 news as a freshman and so maybe he was one of the chosen few that Elon allows to find good jobs.

Current Status: Apparently Georgia isn't as beautiful as they make it out to be in Ludacris videos and Scott moved to Indiana be a professional nerd.

Scott 2 - Scott 2 graduated with me. He and I did a long running (1 year) radio show on WSOE and his dream job was to be the next Howard Stern. When he went to the career center to find radio jobs he was greeted with this answer. "Yeah.....we don't have many of those...so if you have any resources for US, could you let us know?" If you are keeping score at home Elon can't find jobs for people in Radio, TV, Music and whatever Cory majored in. (Not to worry none of these 3 areas are relevant. They are all fads and will pass when the country switches back to Colonial times.

Current Status: Scott spent a good 3 months unemployed and living at home before he became a substitute teacher. Luckily he caught a break and got a job as a part time promotions guy at an adult contemporary radio station and makes just above minimum wage. He gets to fill in here and there for higher ranking jobs in the station, so he's climbing the ladder.

Emily - Emily graduated with a very high GPA in Psychology. Rather than endure the rigors of more school, or the real world, Emily decided to join Americorps, travelling the country for pennies a day!

Current Status: Grad school.

Adrienne - She too graduated with a high GPA in Psychology and decided to take a year off (but we all know the real reason is that Elon would rather water the lawn 5 times a day than help prize students find career paths.)

Current Status: Grad school.

Chris - Chris and I became friends in the latter part of college and he too was a communications major. We shared a lot of the same classes, so we essentially had the same experience.

Current Status: Working at a bank. Not bad, but doesn't seem like Elon's diploma helped him get there.

Jeff - Jeff is also another success story. He was an editor at the paper and wanted to go into journalism and he did. In Guam. Alright not so bad right, Elon can get you jobs, just not on the mainland US. However, Elon played almost no part in finding him a job as he got it from a study abroad trip (yes through Elon, but let's not play semantics).

Current Status: Reporting youth baseball games in Guam. He ranks number 2 on this list.

So that's a quick recap of some of the career paths Elon has put their graduates on. Those who have communications degrees are bankers, av techs, substitute teachers and retail store clerks. Those who chose a real major were too burnt out to do anything else. So for anyone who tells you "Elon will find you a good career" (this will probably be a tour guide or admissions counselor for Elon) tell them you'll skip the $100k in payments and go straight to working at Food Lion.