I was doing a delivery the other night and I went out on a "double" (two houses, one trip! What will they think of next?). I saw that one order came in just 20 minutes before I left, meaning I was gonna make good time, and possibly a good tip. I get to the house within 30 minutes of original order time and pull into the driveway. As I walk to the front door I realize that they have a gate in the middle of the stairs. Even more interesting, is that the gate has no latch or handle at all.
I look around and I see a little old man putter up in a golf cart, he came from the main road, just like I had, except he was driving about 20 MPH slower and looked like he could have been Wilford Brimley's brother (the one with diabetus). He yells "GARAGE! GARAGE!" So I go in the garage and wait for him there. He pulls in, goes into the house and brings me out my cash. His daughter (possibly great great granddaughter) said "wow that was fast." I felt good and then I got my tip and I felt even better.
Before he let me leave however he says "Make sure you slow down when you leave there are children playing in the next driveway over."
A few things:
- Apparently going the speed limit (35) is way too fast for the "slow" part of North Carolina. Was he insinuating that I was going too fast before? I drive a Prius sir, not a Porsche.
- The children were playing in the driveway, not the street. Yes there is the chance they pop into the street to chase a rolling barbie head or a magical unicorn, but in the event they do, and I hit them, I'm not at fault. The unicorn is.
- By the time I got back in the car, the children were no longer playing. Perhaps because my reckless following of laws sent them into a downward spiral of terror and deceit. Needless to say there were no children to even mow down on my way back.
I looked at him stunned and said "uhhhh, ok." Then I shived him.
Short story, tragic ending.
2 comments:
If every story ended in a shiv, I'd be a happy reader.
Would've been better had you hit the kids.
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