Wednesday - 12/24
If there is something I love more than anything else in life it is traveling on major travel days throughout the year. I was forced to leave on the 24th because my full time job scheduled me on the 23rd (I should be grateful for this, because those 4 hours were about half of my total monthly hours. So the math looks like this:
Full Time Employee - 160/month (roughly)
Kelson in December - 8 hours.
Fun times.
I woke up at 6 AM so that I could deal with the technology issues my computer was having. Two things happened in the days leading up to Wedensday. First, I discovered my computer takes about 15 minutes to boot up, which is probably the cause of a virus. The second, which was much more life threatening, was that I deleted about 70% of my music when transferring my 160 GB collection to a new harddrive. Fate smiled upon me because it only took me 10 years to collect and only 2 minutes to lose! There is a god!
The worst part was that I had purchased tons of movies and TV shows on iTunes including the great Dark Knight recently. (To be fair, I got a digital download copy of The Dark Knight and when I realized it was gone and I went into the dumpster outside of my apartment to try and find the garbage bag I threw out the day prior, to look for the code. Needless to say, with my luck, the garbage had been emptied that day. Yes, I'm desperate.)
At 7:15 I left the house to go pick up Lou in Chapel Hill as he was going to make the journey with me. I told him I'd be there at 8 and at this point I'd be willing to bet 70% of my music collection that he wasnt ready. I get a call from him at 8 and he tells me he just woke up. Now if only Satan would come through on that 70%....So I get there at 8:15 and he is actually ready and we leave.
We make a stop at a restroom just into Virginia and it is NOT one of those fancy rest stops. This rest stop was probably transplanted from a high school gym that was built in 1948. The bathroom radiated heat when you opened the door and not just a normal heat, the stench that reminds you of changing in the locker room before gym class in high school (and if you were a chubby nerd in high school, these are not fond memories). I subdued my 'Nam like flashback and got back on the road.
A few hours later we stop at a Wendy's and go inside because ordering for two people at a drive thru would make any fast food workers head explode. Lou orders and then I order and Lou gets his food as I'm ordering. I wait for my food in front of the "pick up area" and the lady puts a bunch of chicken nuggets in a bag (I ordered a burger) and shoves it at me. "10 Piece NUGGET." She stares at me when I don't take it. She then shoves the bag in my face "10 PIECE NUGGET." I say "not mine." And she proceeds to toss it on the table, before finally processing how to differentiate "burger" and "nuggets" on her screen.
We hop back on the road and start cruising, Lou tries to convince me that its a 70 MPH zone so I can do 85. I punch Lou right in the sternum. He then whines about having to wear his seatbelt and does the thing you do when you are a child and puts the shoulder strap behind his back. (I momentarily debate taking his advice and going 85 into a tree or a semi. I decide against it). We reach Wilmington, DE which for some reason smells like a dumpster, oh wait, it's Wilmington Delaware, that's why.
I needed to pick up my cousin in Philadelphia and so we used my fancy iPhone to navigate towards her fiancee's house. What she did not tell me is that he lives about 18 minutes off the highway and that 17 of those minutes are spent driving through a ghetto. This was a real ghetto too, bums on the corners, boarded up shops, a wine depot on each block and enough chain link fencing to make Michael Vick's dogs jealous.
We find his house and park in the driveway. As we get out, we hear a tap on the window, but we don't see anybody so we keep walking. As we get to the door, a man comes up behind us and says " YOU PARKED IN MY DRIVEWAY." I say oh..I thought this was the driveway for this house. Not realizing, the house was a duplex (or that duplex's even existed.) He walked away and 1 minute later when we went to leave he was nowhere in sight. This man wasn't even trying to get out of the driveway. He was apparently just monitoring the driveway from his window, making sure no one parked in it. Merry Christmas!
When we finally got out of the sinkhole of Philadelphia we started to see snow. Lou and I both haven't seen real snow in ages and it was somewhat heart warming. I dropped Lou off and my cousin and I proceeded to her house, but not before stopping at Dunkin Donuts, where two 18 year old wiggers were manning the counter. The smaller one proceeded to hit on my cousin and even gave her a free donut, that according to her tasted "off". I insinuated that it was semen and I was probably not wrong.
We finally got to her house around 6 PM, 11 hours after I left my house and proceeded to have a joyous family Christmas eve dinner. Highlights include:
- My aunt and uncle being shocked that I got them gifts for the first time ever (this was a theme for me this Christmas)
- Me cracking everyone up (which has been the theme of my life recently)
- My father saying I should do stand up comedy, to which I responded I would be no good at and then my aunt coming up with the idea for "Dinner with Kelson," where my stand up comedy show would be random people having dinner with me and me ripping them apart. Look for that on off off broadway in 2 years (when the economy rebounds and I can get an old lady to front me $2 mil for this.)
Part 2 Tomorrow.
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