Once Derril left for work, I headed back to my parents house to help them setup their new HDTV which went swimmingly until we had to lug the old TV down two flights of narrow stairs. Now, when I say old TV, I mean the 37" bucket of bolts that may have been from 1990 and literally weighed 200 pounds. I'm not sure why these TV's even existed, flat screens should've always been around.
Anyway, I went to test my new Blu Ray player with my dad's television and it would read, and start the disc menu, but when I hit play, it wouldn't work. The other buttons on the actual unit all worked (you know, like brand new equipment should) but not play. I then searched for the remote and it was not to be found. Merry Christmas Kelson, here's the broken blu ray player you always wanted! Not to out do myself, I decided that I would trip and tumble down the stairs on my way out, causing a slight discomfort in my back that would only be added to by my heaps of driving down the East Coast.
I packed up my car and hit the road around 10:30, planning on meeting my friends Kate and Kristen at the King of Prussia mall (and yes, King of Prussia is the name of a town. Voted worst town name in history!). We both seemed to arrive at the same time and decided that California Pizza Kitchen was the best bet for food (because I always love paying $12 for a small pizza) and then I waited for 10 minutes as they trekked across the mall to the CPK.
I hopped back on the road, dreading the traffic I would face in Philly, but miraculously, I got through Philly and hit absolutely no traffic and dear god, that changed. The traffic first started when I hit the Maryland border and then continued all the way until Baltimore. 60 miles. Going about 35 miles an hour. By the time I hit the DC traffic after an hour of no traffic I was about ready to snap and enact the scene from either Vanilla Sky (where Cameron Diaz tries to kill Tom Cruise by driving off a bridge while shouting I SWALLOWED YOUR CUM) or from Tommy Boy (where a supposedly dead deer rips through my car like it just ate a big bag of mallomars and really needed to shit).
I was originally supposed to meet my friend Caroline in Richmond at 6, but at 3:30 I was still in Baltimore and called her to tell her I didn't think I'd be there until 8:30. I was being dramatic, or so I thought. 5 hours to get from Baltimore to Richmond (a mere 150 miles). By the time I actually got to Richmond it was 8 PM, I had already texted Caroline to tell her to forget it (although this was pre-empted by her calling me, telling me she already ate and she was now at a bar with some guy I met once in passing 2 years ago, but that the bar had food and I could eat while they watched me). This did not seem like something I was ready to handle after being in the car for nearly 10 hours with 3 hours still to go.
I decided I'd just stay the night with my friend Dan, in Cary, which is about an hour closer than my house. I finally arrived in Cary at 10:30 PM, a full 12 hours after I left my parents house in NJ (a normal trip takes me 9 hours on average). We then proceeded to buy jalepeno poppers which, when eaten 3000 calories at a time, do not sit well at 1 am in the morning. We were up till 2 or 3 or maybe 4 (the days all blur together when you are as cool as me) and then proceeded to wake up early and go to Target to shop for Blu Rays.
When we got there we were met by a terribly stocked blu ray section that didn't even have the specials that had come out that day. I then turned my attention to the Blu Ray players and bought one, knowing my parents would just send me the money and return the one they go me. The electronics department clerk was the most terribly depressing man to look at: balding, acne scars everywhere, current acne and probably as tall as Michael J. Fox (in 4 years when the Parkinson's knocks him down to 5'0".) He begrudgingly checked us out and we went home to test my new blu ray player. Same issue. It would appear on screen, but the play button would not work. I also noticed that the on screen displays were exactly the same as mine. This was a different brand, but apparently same manufacturer. So I opened the original blu ray and tried it with the new remote and voila it worked! (Of course I would basically buy 2 of the same blu ray player and get lucky enough for one to have a remote).
Then as I was packing both of them up (one to return to target sans remote) Dan said "uhhh, Kelson? What's that right there?" A remote. The original blu ray player's remote was sitting there, in its packaging on the outside of the styrofoam holders the blu ray comes in. I do not know why they would hide it there and not IN THE BOX, with all the other cables, but there it was. Crisis averted (other than the fact that apparently if you lose a remote for your blu ray player you are fucked.)
We then proceeded to watch football on Dan's HDTV before heading to the bar to watch the Jaguars and Dolphins play. Since Dan and I had eaten an entire pizza and breadsticks by ourselves we were not hungry, but Dan ordered cheesecake so that we werent sitting in a bar for 4 hours paying for nothing (NOTE: We ordered Pizza from Papa John's told them we had a coupon that would make our order $17 and then they just accepted it, and didn't even ask for the coupon. Thusly, I will now call Papa John's with slightly ridiculous coupon orders like: Order a small pizza and get 2 large pizzas and breadsticks free).
The only other remarkable thing from the bar was the new waitress. I saw her from across the room and my jaw dropped while Dan just shook his head. I have a penchant for skinny girls with brown hair and she fit the bill to a T. Her bangs swooped in her face (like an emo girl!) but she had the rest of her long brown hair up (meaning she had a multitude of looks, you know for when we have quick costume changes). She had two small star tattoos on her wrists (which I would normally think is lame but in this case convinced me she was slightly emo, slightly indie.) Then coup d'etat was when we heard her talk: SMOKERS VOICE. When it sounds like you may work for a sex hotline, you may be hot.
After openingly gaping at her all afternoon, Dan finally saw things my way and also thought she was hot. However, because we didn't order much food she had no reason to check on us, which left me stalking from a far. At one point I caught her name as she told it to someone else (I read lips as a hobby) and I immediately forgot it once we left the bar. Before leaving, I was able to get up the courage to ask for the check (I owed $2 for a coke) and then proceeded to tip another 5, half, because as someone who works for tips I enjoy getting nice tips, and half, because I have the faint hope that the next time I go to this bar at 5 on a Sunday, she will be there, remember I tipped her decently and fall in love with me. That's just the hopeless romantic in me (again like Cameron Diaz in Vanilla Sky).
So that was my trip to NJ. It ended on a nice note, as the next day I found out that Dan's cheesecake had ended up in the sink and I thought that was a nice denouement for the trip. I just kept going and going and going and then it ends with some vomit. Bravo, New Jersey, you always come through.
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