Welcome back to the Emmy's. Amazing Race is currently accepting their award and Don Rickles is still old.
3:54 - Here comes Sally Field to fill our annoying quota of the night. She is here to present outstanding mini series. There are way too many of these categories. Apparently time skips forward and Tom hanks is now on stage. So what ever he produced won.
3:56 - Heidi Klum and Tom Bergeron do a little comedy bit and then they get serious as Klum tries to pronounce Kristen Chenoweth. (Which do you think was funnier?) That's ok here comes NPH (Doogie Howser) to present oustanding individual performance in a variety program. Don Rickles wins and I'll I want is for these silly variety, reality and mini series awards to be over. (Also, I know the results from here on out, so we will just say I finished the night at about 3/12.)
4:01 - Wayne Brady and an old lady from a cadillac commercial present best actor in a guest series. I bet the combined ages of the winners are over 120. Let's find out shall we. Glen Turman and Cynthia Nixon win and sadly they clock in at a combined 100. If I put money on these I'd only have 3 fingers left.
4:02 - Outstanding directing in a drama series, Boston Legal, Breaking Bad, Damages, House, & Mad Men. House wins because everyone loves a snobby british man making fun of dumb Americans. Oustanding writing nominees - Battlestar Galactica, Damages, Mad Men (twice) and The Wire. Mad Men wins and I have to admit I've never seen the show, despite watching more than 30 hours of television per week (I'm an advertisers dream).
4:0 7 - In case you were wondering the Emmy's are brought to by Macy's. I think, I can't be 100% sure only about 80% of the commericals have been for Macy's.
4:09 - Cruella Deville is here to prsent outstanding actor in a miniseries. It's amazing that Glenn Close has looked about 55 for the last 20 years. I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing for her or a bad thing for. Who wants to look 55 forever? Paul Giamatti wins and I discover that he palyed himself in Sideways.
4:11 - Candace Bergen to present Lead Actor in a comedy series. She has all the same features as Glenn Close (raspy voice, blond hair and leather instead of skin). If they are gonna throw these two into the show, lets spread em out so Don Rickles doesn't get confused. Alec Baldwin wins (deservedly), let's see if he a) goes crazy and b) goes liberal.
4:13 - Vanessa Williams and America Ferrera comes out to present best actress in a drama and (un)fortunately they forget to turn her mic on. Glenn Close wins, but I'm falling behind here because the quinhosts wasted so much time in the beginning of the show and now they are literally ripping through the rest of the show. Vanessa Williams came out and looked to say "here are the nominees" No intro at all. Too bad Glenn Close is here to drag us back to earth.
4:16 - And now the retrospection of all the people who have died this year. I'll list the ones I've heard of:
Charlton Heston
Estelle Getty
Sydney Pollack
Bernic Mac
Tim Russert
Issac Hayes
George Carlin
(about 3% of names shown)
4:19 - Lead actor in a drama series as presented by Kiefer Sutherland. Bryan Cranston wins. Which I guess is nice, but considering he was on Malcom in the Middle....(and he shaved his head), eh, I feel like they could have gotten someone more presitgious.
4:22 - Brooke Shields and a drunk Craig Ferguson come out to present lead actress in a comedy series. I can't believe this man got his own late night show. Tina Fey will win this. This sounds like a sweep for 30 Rock tonight. The lesson here is that even if you take off your clothes you won't win an Emmy (Mary Louise Parker, I'm looking at you. I mean, especially after 4 seasons. You decide to bare all now? Desperation much?).
4:25 - Jimmy Kimmel to present best reality host. I hope whoever wins gets to host alone the rest of the night and everyone else gets murdered. Jimmy Kimmel does a funny reality, getting voted off bit, but it gets a little old real fast. Including a commercial break! It's JUST like reality TV. Someone kill Seacrest pelase.
4:27 - Jeff Probst wins, he really needs to cut his hair, he looks like a short guy in his 40's trying to act cooler than he is. (No tie? What????? You are soooooooooo edgy Probst).
4:28 - Mary Tyler Moore as a classic show fades into Mary Tyler Moore to present best Comedy on TV. (Which means that best reality show host is considered the third most important award of the night). She introduces Betty White for no apparent reason (being old?) As long as Two and Half Men doesn't win, I won't have to kill anyone. 30 Rock wins (of course). 2 years in a row. So umm....will people start watching so that I can get more seasons.
4:32 - Tom Selleck to present this biggest award of the night (Drama Series). Why Tom Selleck you ask? (The answer: He can read). Mad Men wins and I pack it in for the night. Time to beat that crazy LA traffic.
To conclude - because Howie Mandel wasted 4 minutes in the beginning of the show, the most important 4 awards took a collective 6 minutes.
PS Jeff Probst did host the rest of the show by himself (called that) and says "Good Night." (Poor guy has to get back to his dressing room to change into his Polyester John Travolta suit or his "getting laid suit" as he calls it.
Good night.
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