Today, we come across something I really dislike about this time of year. End of year count downs. In perusing the cable television this evening I found 3 different wrap up shows even though we still have 1/26 of the year to go. I find this a wholly inaccurate practice that needs to be shunned at all costs (I'm sorry Larry the Cable Guy, I do not need to see your roast of Santa Claus).
So sick of end of year countdowns, I do what and self respecting man does, any decide to walk the midget. However, in my perusal of internet porn, what do I find but Maxim's end of year countdown for everything. (Side note: As I type this Fall Out Boy comes in at number 37 for some piece of shit they threw together with monkeys on Vh1, updates to come) (Side side note: Apparently Kim FUCKING Kardashian is in this video, I'm sorry what does she have to do with being "thnkfl fr th mmrs", if there was every a sell out, this was it). What I love about the Maxim countdown is that the "top 10 music" in no way reflects the music their demo listens to.
Ok let's be fair, you think maxim, you think mens mag, models, sex advice, etc...so what type of music would the stereotypical readers of this magazine listen to? Nickelback, 50 Cent, Whatever is on top 40 radio that may or may not get them laid? If you answered yes to any of these you win. Below we will find a top 10 list from maxim's music 2007.
1. Jay Z - Expected
2. Radiohead - Ummm, I know a lot of people downloaded this for free, and most likely they were internet geeks, who like to visit maxim.com daily...ok I'll accept
3. The White Stripes - I'm starting to think that the writers of Maxim aren't meatheads at all but hipsters writing for meatheads. Although this makes sense because meatheads are busy becoming football coaches.
4. Amy Winehouse - Ah yes this fits. Top 40, so its ok, but shes just crazy enough to be considered hip by people that live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. (or people who really want to live in Williamsburg) Do I like Amy Winehouse? No. If i wanted to hear revolutionary music I would put on 50's music and but an overweight black lady singing over those horns. (Seriously does anyone think that the music from "Rehab" is nothing more than a Doo Wop or Jazz standard. Congratulations whore you stole a music genre from 50 years ago and sung about your drug problems. Next decade I'm brining back the doors and singing about my drug problems...so it will be exactly... like.... the doors.)
5. Feist - Chances that they heard Feist without the help of Tastemakers at Apple? 0%. (Speaking of that commercial is on while I type this, I hate Feist, yes the song is fucking catchy. But will someone explain to me why she is different that Ashlee Simpson - cute girl, really wants to rock, but gosh darn its just so much more fun to have choreography in videos.)
6. Arcade Fire - Come on not even a good indie CD, this is purely on the list to look hip.
7. MIA - Oh sweet an Indian rap goddess who's songs sound like she but a drum beat behind a garbage disposal for a melody and then did weird rhymes to it. (To be fair there has to be one female rapper every year thats a bit...off center...who remembers Lady Sovereign?)
Am I off-beat enough for you? No? Well how about this. SRI LANKA IN THE HOUSE!8. Spoon - Yeah...when you sell 50,000 records total I'm guessing that frat boys who read maxim aren't your biggest fan base.
9. Interpol - They released a new CD?
10. Wilco - I'm shaking my head so violently I might convulse.
Yeah Maxim - you hit the nail on the head. I gotta admit, I guess this list is better without PiNk and Britney.
But I know what you are asking. "Kelson, isn't this Advent Calendar kind of a countdown to Christmas?" To which I respond "No." This isn't me telling you what is the best of 2007 or Christmas, this is me saying what I like. So ... we've cleared that up.
Vh1 countdown update: Lifehouse...with some song #29. (They are good for one single an album)
I do understand the need for these countdown shows, everyone likes a little closure on their year. But do I really need ESPN giving me an hour long special? (I'd settle for a top 10 plays of the year wedged in between a 8 minute Jeremy Schaap Special on a dying 10 year old boy who has one arm but LOVES to play hockey and 4 second highlights of previous night's sporting events).
Vh1 Countdown update: Nickelback was previewed in hour number 1, this is good news they will not crack the top 20. (Does anyone sit down and go, "yeah i know all nickelback songs sound alike, but i really love the lyrics." Ok some of you might, but then I ask - "Rockstar?" really? Does anyone want to hear a rockstar do a tongue in cheek mockery of the rock star life, when you know for a fact that they ARE that cliche? See Cribs circa 2003. )
So for countdown lists TV stations, magazines, zines, blogs should only allowed to publish these after XMAS. Obviously they don't so that they can re-run them at least 40 times throughout the holidays, but it would be nice to have a wrap up when the year is actually done. Eventually CNN will run a top 10 events of the year and Michael Vick won't have a chance to shine because he was sentenced in early December and not by their "End of Year" October deadline. '
I referenced the fact that these lists are like opening your calendar for 5 days in a row only to find rabbit turds that you mistakenly think are chocolate tic tacs. Listen these lists are fun to read take time, and critique (obvi...I spent an hour on this people) but at the end of the day they are shit because no one will ever agree that Feist is the best non blond pop star to release a single before may and after march, but not have it get big till october. There is just no way that will happen. Although, I would love to read that list.
Currently Listening to: (Watching) Vh1 Countdown - last few videos included Daughtry "I'm Trying to be Creed" and Timbaland taking credit for a band with their song "Too late to POLOGIZE"
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