So I decided to open up the advent calendar only once over the last 3 days (I'll let you guess which day) and underneath door number 5, 6 or 7, I found glue. Now, translated to Christmas time language that's delicious upon first taste, but leaves you will a terrible feeling in your stomach for some reason (hint: it's the glue!).
But as you may be able to tell by the number 5 these past few days I have basked in the joy of Christmas music (and glue). Christmas music is exactly like glue, at first you are really excited for it to come around every year. After all it's only relevant for 25 days exactly (NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC IN NOVEMBER, JESUS WASN'T BORN IN FUCKING NOVEMBER). So it's a very special occasion.
However, there are three distinct categories - Classics, Pop Christmas songs, Bad Pop Christmas songs. Away we go.
The Classics - While theoretically this could be broken down into 2 or 3 sections I will not give too much credence to this category. These are the songs that date back to the time of Jesus (Silent Night..Little Drummer Boy...Frosty the Snowman (Jesus LOVED that one)). Basically songs that you somehow were born knowing the words to. Also in this category are classics from the 50's like Bing Crosby's White Christmas (somehow he was able to record this while silently beating his child, silent night indeed). Apparently this is THE best selling single of all time, of any genre of music (somewhere Timberlake is going back in time to make sure Bing Crosby never crooned to begin with).
These golf balls are good to shove into a sock (or christmas stocking) for a well deserved beating!
In my estimation, there were no good christmas songs recorded again until the 80's with the invention of the muppets and their amazing TV special. So then, as one Dan Ragna points out, it became a staple for bands to make a Christmas album (Raffi, Radio Disney, Bright Eyes, Toby Keith) bands had to do this to stay relevant during this much necessary time of year. Besides who doesn't want to spend $20 on a CD you listen to 3 times a year? I DO I DO. Yet these songs were still relevant, mostly covers of covers of Bing Crosby and the jesus tunes of yesterday.
Now, we've come to a dead end - a song can only be covered so many times and as much as I'd like to see Lisa Marie Presley do a duet of "Jingle Bells" with her dead father, my ears have only so much blood to bleed. Christmas music of today has become generic and boring (almost like normal pop music). Their is a basic formula, found especially in pop punk songs (and pop songs for that matter) to get across the XMAS vibe. Take notes I expect royalties when you sell a million next December.
Christmas-y riff (doesn't HAVE to be from Christmas song, just has to sound like it could be) Jingle Bells is a good riff to steal from. This will be the intro and outro the song and possibly the lead over the chorus.
Lyrics - Say Christmas once and sprinkle with other references about Santa Clause (jesus if you are feeling spry). Then just write normal lyrics around them. For example - Fall Out Boy's hit "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" - "Don't come home for Christmas, you are the last thing I want to se underneath the tree" could easily be "Don't come home for dinner, you are the last thing I want to see the kitchen."
Christmas song title - If the first two are tough, you can easily nail this with a catchy song title. Fall Out Boy's is a reference to "A Christmas Movie" but instead of the famous quote spelled correctly they used "Yule" - HELLO CHRISTMAS!
Top 40 artists do this too, I have a faint feeling NYSNC recorded a song whose chorus was "Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays." There might have been some snow in the video and I'm sure their was at least one santa reference with some bells in the background.
We can't blame bands for not being original with Christmas - how many songs can you write about one day that aren't coma inducing? (really can a top 40 song be about a virgin popping out a child). So for now, we will have to live with the fact that Christmas music is glue and keep eating until our mouths wont open to sing the songs anymore. (Then we can start anew, WITHOUT Bing Crosby)
Currently Listening to - Saves the Day - Under the Boards
Now, we've come to a dead end - a song can only be covered so many times and as much as I'd like to see Lisa Marie Presley do a duet of "Jingle Bells" with her dead father, my ears have only so much blood to bleed. Christmas music of today has become generic and boring (almost like normal pop music). Their is a basic formula, found especially in pop punk songs (and pop songs for that matter) to get across the XMAS vibe. Take notes I expect royalties when you sell a million next December.
Christmas-y riff (doesn't HAVE to be from Christmas song, just has to sound like it could be) Jingle Bells is a good riff to steal from. This will be the intro and outro the song and possibly the lead over the chorus.
Lyrics - Say Christmas once and sprinkle with other references about Santa Clause (jesus if you are feeling spry). Then just write normal lyrics around them. For example - Fall Out Boy's hit "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" - "Don't come home for Christmas, you are the last thing I want to se underneath the tree" could easily be "Don't come home for dinner, you are the last thing I want to see the kitchen."
Christmas song title - If the first two are tough, you can easily nail this with a catchy song title. Fall Out Boy's is a reference to "A Christmas Movie" but instead of the famous quote spelled correctly they used "Yule" - HELLO CHRISTMAS!
Top 40 artists do this too, I have a faint feeling NYSNC recorded a song whose chorus was "Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays." There might have been some snow in the video and I'm sure their was at least one santa reference with some bells in the background.
We can't blame bands for not being original with Christmas - how many songs can you write about one day that aren't coma inducing? (really can a top 40 song be about a virgin popping out a child). So for now, we will have to live with the fact that Christmas music is glue and keep eating until our mouths wont open to sing the songs anymore. (Then we can start anew, WITHOUT Bing Crosby)
Currently Listening to - Saves the Day - Under the Boards
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