Well, this has obviously turned into a neglected Advent Calendar that only gets raided every 3 days (3 times the chocolate, 3 times the sugar, 3 times jesus weeps because I cheated). So today we will discuss Christmas decorations and how unbelievably amazing/tacky they can be. Childhood story, take us in.
I grew up in a bunch of townhouses, meaning I could look at my front door at any one moment and see at least 600 other front doors. At Christmas, this is nothing short of a miracle. I can often remember driving home and coming into the development to see a display that rivaled what I assumed the North Pole looked like (I believed in Santa until the tender age of 15). Imagine driving into a development with 600 houses and everyone (this was a christian commune) was decorated to the hilt, except ours.
Have you had your Christmas seizure?Yes we put the green out, the wreaths, the garland (whose needles would inevitably end up inside the arch of my foot), etc. but we never put up the Christmas lights that would cause an epileptic seizure in a small child. Those seizure causing displays are the epitome of what Christmas should be about (everyone enjoys a good hospital stay chalked up to a stationary metal Rudolph, doused with lights that make his legs look they they are moving). But, as a family we decided to keep our Christmas personal. The decorations were on the inside.
Fake trees and at least 10 boxes of ornaments that were pulled out of storage for the 4 (sometimes 8 week) Christmas season. We also had our own little Christmas mini-town, that was somehow able to combine a Charles Dickens village with a 12 piece manger and old school colonial items (that were sadly just not the same scale as the other pieces of this mixed bag Christmas town). All in all the family represented on the inside of the house.
The Charles Dickens Christmas Village was my childhood.
However, I feel like that still doesn't make up for the fact that we were the last place finishers in the outdoor decorating competition. Who doesn't want to see Santa's on roofs greeting them for a 1/4 mile away. Answer? No one. Part of the reason for this weak display could have been that, as part of a townhouse complex, we technically don't own anything on the outside of the house, thus risking fines from the property complex or some inventive youth walking off with a slew of Christmas gnomes.
Thus, I was left to settle upon other decorations. Luckily they aren't just on homes anymore, any self respecting store will put up Christmas decorations (both inside and out) to ignite the Christmas (shopping) season.
Fast forward to present tense, I am currently living in Chapel Hill, NC where our temperature are currently hovering around the year of Poison, Ratt and Whitesnake (80's). However, global warming doesnt get us down, as I walk out my office front door I am immediately greeted by a Christmas Tree patch. The beauty of this little area is that every tree is a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, its fantastic. I feel bad for anyone who grew up in a state where pine trees grow skip the "healthy, pretty" stage and just skip straight to "you may need to put them in a retirement home before they shit the bed again" stage. But, its still there, thats what counts.
Right next to it, is a wonderful Chinese food restaurant (that thinks its ok to put onions in beef w/ broccoli). Yesterday I walked outside to find the owner of this restaurant up on the roof putting up 3 white (fake) Christmas trees. I love the spirit sir, but do you think you could do more?
I'm not sure this says Merry Christmas, but in North Carolina, I take what I can get. What's that you are going to be blaring Christmas tunes from the roof as well? FAAAAAAAN Tastic. That's the kind of support I like to see for a holiday I assume you didn't celebrate at birth.
Everyone complains that the Christmas season starts to early and I would say wrong. Is it so wrong to put Christmas decorations up immediately following Thanksgiving (it's not even two months till Christmas at that point). Besides everyone's favorite holiday is either Halloween (an excuse to dress like or fuck sluts) or Christmas (presents). There is no reason to have a gap in between the celebration of these days.
One thing that does make my face frown is the fact that I no longer have any holiday decorations in my home. This is partly due to the fact that I don't want to spend the money to go buy all new Christmas decorations, party because its just not as fun when you are the only one who sees the decorations and partly because I am scared my roommate would fence the ornaments on the back of the tree for cocaine (so I dont immediately recognize they are gone).
One closing note to North Carolina:
Pull your head out of your ass just because it seems like Florida doesn't mean its not Christmas time. People... we are 11 days away (4 more blog posts) if you own property of some sort show your Santa love, something anything that may give a small child a chance to have his first Christmas seizure.
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