The Time I Was Accosted at Sheetz (The Gas Station), Part 1

Part 1 in the continuing series of me being accosted at gas stations across North Carolina continues....NOW.

So the first time I was accosted at a Sheetz was about two months ago. I was on my way to Chapel Hill again, to play rock music, and saw cheap gas, so I stopped at the same Sheetz. Now this was way back when gas prices were starting to drop, and we, being a desperate public, never knew when it was going to level off. So there were lines at each pump 2 and 3 cars deep.

This Sheetz had approximately 12 pumps, so there were a ton of people waiting in line. Lets make that clear. (While we are making things clear, we should also point out that I'm about as patient as a British TV personality making fun of retarded Americans on FOX.) So, I really wanted to just move on, but I was low on gas and someone had already pulled in behind me.

I found a pump where the guy was just getting out of his car. I thought, "OK, at most this will take 3 minutes." Wrong. First, the man was pushing 75 and walked like two canes were taped to the back of his knees and tucked neatly into his shoes. After a good 30 seconds he made his way over to the pump and fidgeted with the pump. (When you are anxious like I am, the things that tick you off build easily and are normally very small). So Cane Legs took another minute figuring out how to get this darned contraption to operate. 2 minutes later, the pump pops and luckily he is still standing there to speed the process along.

He packs it up, starts to waddle back to his car, opens the door (I'm thinking, YES YES YES). Then sticks his bengay in the car and starts walking towards the inside of the Sheetz. (Now, a sane thought would be that he was going to pay for it, BUT I saw him use a credit card, and even if he was paying cash, you should have prepaid, read the signs Ebenezer). He starts towards the Sheetz, gets 10 steps, before walking back. Thank god, I silently proclaim.

He then opens his drivers side door and starts talking to someone, they chat for a good minute, before he heads back towards the store. At this point I'm sitting here for a good 6 minutes and the cars who pulled up at the same time as me are now leaving and there is nothing in this world that gives me a greater sense of panic that staying motionless while everyone is able to move. As he creeps away, I yell out the window "Excuse me sir." Nothing. "EXCUSE ME." Nothing.

A good 5 seconds later when the sound passes through his hearing aid, he turns around but at this point hes too far to have a good talking to. So he goes inside. I wait for a minute and then decide to turn off my car, get out and sit on my hood. (Mostly to prove a point when he gets back). Another minute passes and I decide to go see if the person he was talking to in the car could possibly move it. I walk up to it, look in the front see nothing. I then look in the back and see a women completely bundled in plaid blankets up to her neck with sunglasses on. I immediately wondered if they were secretly filming Weekend at Bernie's 4.

I decided it would be inappropriate to knock on the window and try to wake a sleeping corpse so I start to head back to my car, when out of nowhere a dog jumps up against the window (from the inside). It was a little yippy thing, so I wasn't scared, but could this get weirder?

Yes. After another minute, (total up to about 12 at this point). I walk into the store to find this man. As soon as I walk in, I see him standing at the register. Perfect, he's almost done. I walk back to my car get in, turn it back on and wait.

Another 3 minutes go bye. A guy pulls up next to me and says "Man you've been here forever." I'm pretty sure he is about the 8th car to get gas in the line closest to me. Pump 8 total = 1. Pump 9 total = 8. Fantastic.

Feeling an oncoming panic attack I find a pump a few places down that I am quickly able to back into (with no line). I fill up, drive off and check to see if Old Man River has left yet. Nope. So if you were scoring at home, thats a solid 20 minutes this man wasted at a gas pump during a high traffic time. The best part? He will never realize it because he thought he was paying a nickel to go to see Charlie Chaplin's new flick!