Let's be honest here. I am not a wealthy man and my future has already given me a big thumbs down on being able to afford health insurance in the next..oh, 4 years. So with that in mind, I turn to a more lucrative form of income (apart from the hundreds I make per month at my real job!). I've decided to become a professional gambler (it makes the ladies swoon and the MOB bosses pay a lot of attention to you at the same time. It kills two birds with one stone, Money woes? GONE. Need for constant attention? GONE! Daily fear of waking up with only one kneecap? HERE TO STAY!)
The urge started one Sunday morning when a friend told be about an online betting website. The mention was enough to get me (if thats not a sign of a compulsive gambler in training, I don't know what is) and I dropped $20 into the account and promised I would not add anymore, I would just play until it ran out. But I funny thing happened. I won, 5 times in a row.
Before I knew it i was up to a whopping $65 in tainted off-shore money. Ah the sweet smell of victory, I completely tossed the notion of beginners luck to the side and started betting on basketball (I was previously betting on football). Betting on basketball was not a great idea. With football, betting on the game makes it more interesting to watch, with basketball, I was betting on games played 3000 miles from my shanty in Greensboro, NC and I would estimate I refreshed NBA.com somewhere between 400 and 457 times in the span of the 2 and a half hour game. Needless to say, my computer hated me and the Houston Rockets by the close of the night. But I won again. Up to $70!
By this time I was drunk with power, I started to look for bets that paid off the biggest, but still had a legitimate chance of winning. Enter the 6-0 Atlanta Hawks vs the Boston Celtics. I bet the Hawks to win, I put up $5, I win $35 if the Hawks win. Fast forward to another night spent with the computer monitor acting as my best friend (more nights like this will surely result in a bout of epilepsy for me) and 7 seconds left in the game. The Hawks up 1. The Celtics get the ball, make the shot with .5 seconds left. I would've been over $100, I would've taken $80 out and gone back to $20 and played from there, but no, my demise started right then and there. I soon lost 4 in a row and I was down to $30 (I can't even buy luxury items that I need (like Loufas and soap) for $30).
I am currently taking it easy as this whole entire series of events has taken place in less than 2 weeks. I feel like an addict that has gone through all the emotions of my 12 step program but I seem to end up back at the beginning, praying to the god of gambling (Pete Rose). Last night I stayed up till 12, knowing I had to wake up at 5, just to see if I won $5 (I did! The system works!). I know I have a problem, albeit a manageable one (I'm not ever going into more than a $20 debt, and yes, I know, I'm saying that NOW. But I won't). I am stable, I am a good gambler. I can do this. And yes, I DID just convince myself I'm ok. I am the Amy Winehouse of gambling (except without all the hair, and with more teeth. But same amount of black tar heroin).
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