This is a two part story about Sheetz. I'm going to tell you the second part first, as it is the more amazing part of the story and literally made me speed out of the Sheetz parking lot faster than Miley Cyrus gives away her virginity to the first 20 something with a cock and a fistful of condoms that knocks on her door.
Part 2: Today, I was at Sheetz. Sheetz is a gas station that is kind of like Wawa for you northerners. It is so cozy and friendly, that they let your order ready made sandwiches from your gas pump (unfortunately for the truly obese, they do NOT bring it out to you). I decided to stop at Sheetz on the way to Chapel Hill because they always have the cheapst gas ($1.73). As I pull in, I see only one spot open, all the way on the opposite end, so I pull and take it. No problems here.
I get out of the car only to find a black man with an odd look on his face. He looks and me and sort of grunts and I sort of grunt back and continue on my gas pumping ways. I then notice him staring at my license plate, peeking around the corner of the pump and talking out loud. I assumed he was on a bluetooth (because who isnt nowadays?) and continued on my business. Then as soon as I pull my credit card out, he approaches me. I will re-enact this scene in the form of a movie script.
Kelson: PULLS OUT CREDIT CARD. GOES TO SWIPE. ODD LOOKING BLACK MAN COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THE GAS PUMP.
OLBM: Yo, some peoples been hassing me on the highway.
Kelson: Huh?
OLBM: Peoples with the license plate WX sumthin, been harassing me on the highway recently. WXT or WXL. Always WX.
Kelson: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
OLDBM: LOOKS INTO KELSON'S CAR, PEERING IN AT THE PERSONAL EFFECTS TO SEE IF KELSON HAS BROUGHT SOME HARASSING TOOLS.
Kelson: Oh, Do I have WX something plates? I don't even know. LOOKS AT PLATES.
OLBM: Yeah, you people been coming up to me all over the place the last few weeks, keeping an eye on me, thats why you pulled up next to me right here. You one of them.
Kelson: SCARED SHITLESS. Sir, I'm not in any sort of group that's been harassing you, I've never met you before in my life nor would I be in any sort of group that would want to harass you. KELSON PREPARES TO MAKE IT KNOWN THAT HE VOTED FOR OBAMA.
OLBM: Well, you keeping an eye on me, but we got eyes on you all the time too. Trust that. You won't see em but they're there.
Kelson: DRYING URINE ON PANTS. Sir, I didn't chose my license plates, the state gave them to me, it's unfortunate that you are getting harassed by anyone, let alone people with the same license plates, but I'm not even from around here, so I dont have anything to do with that.
OLBM: Alright. EXTENDS HAND FOR FIST BUMP. Peace and love then.
Kelson: FISTS BUMPS. Gets back in car and drives away, even though he wanted to check to see if Sheetz has Jolt.
SCENE.
Part 1 tomorrow.
2 comments:
For the record, in the streets, the "fist bump" as you call it, is referred to as "daps."
The More You Know====*
What is this group you're a part of? How does one join? My license plate has a WG, is that close enough???
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