The only thing that was more annoying than people posting about their plethora of lottery tickets (or cash they figuratively lit on fire) was people posting about people posting about those lottery tickets. My favorite was "I'd spend 500 million dollars not to hear about what you'd do with 500 million dollars. The lottery inevitably brings out the worst in people - as any E! True Hollywood Story on lottery winners will tell you: There is a curse thats comes with winning the lottery.
Perhaps this is because the people that win the lottery are so unprepared for a life of riches that they buy 1000 mobile homes too many. They are predisposed to want to burn money as fast as they humanly can - whether they have $500 to their name or $500 million - it will always be spent at the same rate. The winners of the lottery are almost always ill suited for wealth because the type of person that generally buys a lottery ticket on a daily basis thinks that winning the lottery is the only way to really make money. The lottery is just a tax on the poor. The meer hope of winning a 4, 5, or 6 digit figure drives poor people to buy buy buy. Yet "normal" people don't need to play the lottery on a daily basis because 5 and 6 digit figures come in a bi-monthly paycheck.
The fascinating element is what happens when a lottery figure becomes so astronomical that even "normal" people begin to get giddy with what they could do with that money. No longer satisfied with just 1 house and 2 cars - people with well paying jobs go out and buy hundreds of dollars worth of tickets. Offices pool money and tickets in hopes of winning. This is an illness. It's in all of us, the poorer of us show symptoms more frequently, but it only apparates in all of us when we could all potentially own an entire nation.
I too contracted Mega Millions fever last Friday. After nearly half of my Facebook feed was filled with friends going on and on about what they would do with the money or posting pictures of their tickets ( a terrible idea if they actually won, I would instantly know who had the winning number and start planning to thieve the ticket from them), I gave in and bought 3 tickets. This actual thought came into my head "You can't win unless you play." I am ashamed to admit this now - this sounds like a rationale a gambling addict would have. How am I supposed to make money unless I spend money?
I purchased the tickets at the gas station across from my apartment. I was a former convenience store clerk and luckily I knew how this game was played. I went in, casually asked for $3 in Mega Millions - random, of course. (Is there anything worse than people who think they have 6 magical numbers picked out? Or worse, play the numbers from Lost which a) caused a lot of terrible things to happen on the show and b) EVERYONE ELSE PLAYS. Have fun splitting the jackpot with 2393 other people.)
I began to walk home clutching the tickets in my hand in my pocket. I told myself I didn't need all of the money. I'd be happy with maybe 4 numbers and a 1000 bucks. I nearly convinced myself that 4 numbers was definitely a possibility, I wasn't a loon who thought I could get all 6. I have the sickness. I researched the odds online. I just needed 3 and the powerball! Easier than I thought. I was going to a party that night and decided bringing the physical tickets with me was a bad idea. If I won, I would surely be murdered by my friends. So I typed the numbers into my phone and proceeded on.
Much to my chagrin, the party did not have the news on waiting for the announcement. I even forgot about the drawing until 11:30 central time and then I casually pulled my phone out - checked the Mega Millions website and flipped back and forth between apps checking each number against the real numbers. I got 1. 1/18.
All at once, the sickness subsided. I didn't have to worry about getting out of the party alive or ponder how I would eventually end on E! (barring a Bieber like rise to stardom or a red carpet flouring of a Kardashian this is the only way I'm getting on that channel). The party resumed.
The next morning 3 winners were announced and at least their lives would be very different. The news reports went on and on about when they would come forward, what they should do and the stores where they were sold. The sickness was still in the air for some. The only thing I could think at this point was what if? Not what if I won, but what if the Mega Millions just said "Hey, just this one time, we are gonna funnel this money into the national debt. Whaddya say?" Imagine all of us - insane about paying higher taxes, but more than willing to waste our money if it gives us a 1 in 176 million shot of winning money. Thanks 'Merica.
I just blacked out. Did that get weird?
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