The year was 2003 and Ashton Kutcher was riding on high on the success of That 70's Show. He brought us a hidden camera prank show that pranked a bunch of his celebrity friends. It also introduced us to the likes of Dax Shepard and the guy from the League on FX. It was a hit! Who didn't want to watch celebrities lose their shit and beat up little kids, even if it came at the cost of watching Ashton Kutcher delight in how much better he presumed he was than everyone else.
Punk'd is now back and although the sheen is now off the nuances of punking celebrities, the show still manages to bring in decent ratings two weeks into its revival. Punk'd is still beyond the pale of an intelligent TV program and this was obviously an attempt to boost some life into "original" MTV programming after the failures of THIS and THIS and MUSIC IN GENERAL. However, they were at least smart enough to get a new guest host every week to punk their friends. After the first viewing of episode 1, I was about to rage on how Justin Bieber could have that many friends to punk. Luckily, MTV brings in Bam Margera and Hayden Panittiere (you might be asking if she is still a celebrity. The answer is a resounding no) out of the bullpen to punk their friends in future episodes. Although this raises new questions: Is Bam Margera friends with Tyler the Creator or Ronnie from Jersey Shore? Why does Justin Bieber have every starlet's phone number? Will Tyler the Creator stab someone?
The inherent problem with the new Punk'd is that I hate every celebrity ever. Perhaps I'm no longer in the demographic that worships everything a twinkly eyed teen does, but let's analyze episode 1.
Bieber is called in and the first 3 minutes is Bieber in a control room (shot TMZ style, for extra douchebaggery) thinking of which of his friends he can punk. He calls up Taylor Swift who just happens to be available and in the same exact area as him and they plan to meet up under the pretense that she is going to work on his new album with (for) him. She even brings a guitar!!!! However, I am inclined to believe this is fake. She provides the "I'm shocked, people like me" look the entire segment. She marvels at how big the house is, how blue the water is outside and finally when she gets punked the eyes are as big as saucers. Either she is the most emotionally destroyed celebrity since Britney Spears, or she's putting on a show. Since she has all her hair left, I'm gonna guess this was fake. Also, as usual, she doesn't question why 3 cameramen are around? Perhaps Bieber and Swift are at the level of celebrity where they just expect to constantly be on camera. Justin.TV time to switch up your content.
The second person Bieber "chooses" is Rob Dyrdek who is 20 years older than Bieber and just happens to be an MTV celebrity who does a Tosh.0 ripp off show as well as a Jackass type show: MTV - Your Home For Original Programming! So if we just forget that there is no way these two are friends AND that MTV is obviously trying to get it's own celebrities we can concentrate on the punk. About 30 seconds in Dyrdek says "it's too well lit in here, am I on punk'd?" There have been failed punkings before, but I feel like MTV should not put this segment in the first episode back. Here's a new show where we punk celebs with a 50% success rate! Bieber than magically calls in Sean Kingston who is presumably waiting off camera behind the bushes. Kingston is not as smart as Dyrdek and falls for the punking.
I then turn off the TV. Apparently Miley Cyrus gets punked in the last segment but it would only be worth watching if Bieber tattooed Selena Gomez's face on Miley's. Ya Punk'd Miley!
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