1) You get to drive around with no boss hanging over your shoulder.
2) You get to listen to whatever you want in the car on the way to deliveries.
3) Most of your work consists of 3 things - Picking up pizza at restaurant, driving food to house, handing food off at house. (I barely even have to speak other than "Your total is ____")
4) You get an hourly wage, a delivery fee per delivery AND tips (for those wealthy enough to dole out several pence hither and thither.)
I resumed my delivery career on Tuesday (those of you who have been tracking my life like the Truman Show may recall that I delivered Indian food in New Brunswick, NJ with my friend Charlie Kratovil who was last seen wearing a baseball helmet, I can not confirm if he is dead or alive.) Indian food was really awesome, other than the fact that it was in a city and that means most deliveries required a police escort and a semi automatic rifle. The good part was that Indian food is expensive and our delivery fee was at LEAST 3 dollars and at most 6 (we also never told customers about this). A $1 order or a $200 dollar order is basically the same amount of work for me, but people are accustomed to tipping a percentage so the bigger the order, the bigger the tip. Fools. This job made me $70/night for 3 hours on a friday night. (BONUS: Free Indian food means that my number 2 bathroom trips were quite frequent!)
Have you seen this man/boy?
So I was already stoked to work in this field again. First thing that happens at the restaurant is that I get to wear a hat (hopefully one that doesn't accidentally represent any gangs). Then I was trained for about 3 minutes on how to cut pizza and put pizza in a bag. Then, my first delivery. (Note: This restaurant is about 13 minutes from where I live, outside of a city I am unfamiliar with. Soo...ummm, my delivery route is all roads I've never been on. Apparently this can be a real adventure at night.)
My first delivery was about 15 minutes away, I checked the big map in the restaurant, made a mental note of landmarks and was on my way. I caught up on Howard Stern the entire way and about 12 minutes later I arrive at the house. As soon as I got out of the car I heard nothing. Absolute silence. This place was so far out in the country that there were no cars, no people walking (and apparently no electricity). Nonetheless, it was a very surreal feeling and it was kind of cool. Anywho,I walk up to what looks to be the front door and discover it's blocked on the inside. I ring the doorbell (because knocking on back doors and side doors is weird) and the lady answers. I complete the transaction and bam I'm on my way (but not before I almost hit a dog backing out.) (Note: I also didn't think I'd be delivering food on my first day, so I didn't bring any change. Yeah, I'm pretty smart.)
I get back to the 'straunt and I have another waiting for me. I am told that this is in a trailer park, so don't expect a big tip. 5 minutes later I find myself sifting through a front yard that was reminiscent of a permanent yard sale. This "house" did not have a front door at all. Instead, it had a small porch (littered with beer cans and leaves) that lead to a door with no doorbell. I knock and screams of little children go off on the inside. "PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." The total was $33.96 and the lady gives me a $40 and starts walking back into the house. I say "Do you want change?" and she says "yeah." So I hand her $6 and she says "wait, how much was that?" I tell her and wonder if she expects the 4 cence, but she says "oh alright." I start walking away and she decides to give me a dollar (definitely worth the trip to the trailer park).
I made a third delivery that was basically a switch, because another driver got an order wrong and the third house was just as bad as the previous one. 4 cars, 3 pitbulls, a wigger and a nice lady washing a car by hand in cutoff jeans (This is Our Country!).
The rest of the night was spent mopping up and sweeping and I went home overjoyed at my first day (and kind of pissed I don't get to work again for another 4 days).
There are two things that make this job unique. No other job gives you the opportunity to interact with people on such an intimate level (a women with her hair in curls, wearing pajamas, smoking a menthol 100 answers the door. QUICK. What do you do to keep from laughing?) Also, it's quite exciting to possibly take your life into your hands 3 times an hour. (Will this hick shoot me if I look at his dog the wrong way?)
The second thing that I have been thinking about is hiliarity in the fact that I work a full time job for decent pay and I use my brain and technical experience daily(hey, I'm even being trained for a management position! Fingers crossed for staying in NC the rest of my life!!). However, by night I answer to an 18 year old who "knows the ropes" and I make minimum wage. Imagine if this kid ever saw me at my real job, the awkwardness that would ensue on both of our ends would instantly cause my brain to seize up and die.
And that is why being a delivery boy rocks.
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