Lesson #1
The Cuddle-Buddy
No matter how enticing and adorable this name sounds, if you are declared a cuddle buddy, run in the opposite direction like someone just asked you to watch American Pie 11: Pie's Revenge (this is where a vengeful set of pies decided to start fucking humans. The good news? Jason Biggs will be returning to the franchise. The bad news? You'll want to die by the end of the opening credits.)
I once fell into this trap. After a few hookups (2 or 3, I'm not really sure I was too high on emo at the time, so memory vs. reality might be skewed to my advantage) the girl in question declared me her cuddle buddy, to my face. Let's break down the term:
Cuddle - I thought this is great, if I'm laying in bed cuddling (ie massive amounts of body touching) this girl, there is an obvious next step and it involves genitals.
Buddy - Not only do I get to cuddle her, but she likes me as a person and since I also like her as a person this is good.
Now, a literalist would put these together and go, wow a girl that likes me as a person and is attracted enough to me to hook up with me AND let me touch her on the reg? It's only a matter of time before marriage...RIGHT?
Well, it turns out that the Cuddle Buddy lives in the friend zone, only he is unaware of this because he still has the breakdown (see above) in his mind about what a cuddle buddy is.
The lesson? If you are a cuddle buddy for more than a month and it has not progressed to at least HBO softcore porn level action, you need to get out. Otherwise you'll become an emotional trainwreck, sink to a Jason Biggs' level depression, and end up watching American Pie 11 night after night just waiting for the scene where the pies get naked.
6 comments:
I think you just summed up my freshman year of college quite well sir.
-Kristen
My career was downhill... being an artist has never been the best business unless you are on the top (and to keep there is the hardest part too!). When I came to you I was almost unknown! i felt so depress cause I wasn't 15 and my clock was ticking! Thanx to change that in a such effective way!!!!! I love you ogbefispell@gmail.com, guys. I hope u understand that I want to keep my identity confidential. XOXO
“thank you indianspell@hotmail.com for the love spell you did for me. I have now realised that the man of my dreams is actually my childhood sweetheart. we are together now and very happy. couln’t have done it without you. x”
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