So I hope that Adele doesn't die an early death like Mama Cass from eating one too many ham sandwiches. This girl is 20 and probably weighs a metric ton.
Morgan Freeman comes out to introduce Kenny Chesney and claims they are friends. My mind almost explodes on the spot.
Next up was probably the 2nd best performance of the night with MIA decked out in a sort of Frog looking bikini/pregnancy outfit (I believe she wore this so that if she popped the baby out the slutty mesh netting would catch the baby and she could just keep on performing). She lip-synched part of her "Paper Planes" song (which I only liked until it was played behind the trailer of Pineapple Express) and then CBS made the feed black and white when Lil Wayne, Kanye, Jay-Z and a mysteriously un-handcuffed TI came out. They rapped a little ditty about having some swagger and pretending to be the rat pack (Black Pack? Has anyone used this yet?) The performance was definitely captivating as some of the greatest rappers "in the game" as Dan would say, all got together and sang off key all at once. Quite a feat.
They were immediately followed by Paul McCartney playing an old Beatles' song (with Dave Grohl's fatter, older brother on drums). And I was convinced that he would cut off this Beatles' song after 2 minutes and play some terrible song off his new CD (that will most likely win 8 awards next year), but he didn't. He played 3 short mintutes and got off stage. Thank you.
Jay Mohr introduces somebody but only because he has a show that will get cancelled by CBS in 2 months. He got real fat (he thought this would make CBS like him more and keep his terrible show on for 8 seasons like other overweight comedians - Kevin James, anyone?)
Next up Sugarland performs and I can't help but believe that this is Trudy Weigel from Reno 911 with a blond wig on. She is nervous and awkard and not very attractive and to my knowledge, neither has been in the same room at the same time.
Sometime later on (the show really started to drag and I was trying to sneak in 4 minute segments of Swingers in between) Gwenyth Paltrow put on some braces and made herself a 13 year old again (luckily she would not have to suppress any breasts to accomplish this feat, as she has none) and some how managed to gargle that Radiohead was playing next.
And they did. Oh god they did. Or more accurately, Thom Yorke conducted the USC marching band while Johnny Greenwood played guitar. The performance was just awesome, I have only gotten into Radiohead in the last 3 years and I've always wanted to see them, but seeing a show in any Arena or Stadium is the equivalent of watching a 13" TV from a football field away. Not fun. I was speechless though, Thom Yorke is a wiggly one eyed genius.
Sam Jackson then comes out to introduce TI and Justin Timberlake and says "One of these is my great friend another is a great musician." Would you have offered to eat shit if he said Justin Timberlake was his friend and TI was a great musician? Well Sam Jackson just made you eat a shit sandwich. Their performance just kind of read like one long "please I've learned my lesson don't put me in jail" rant.
Jamie Foxx comes back on stage for some to act as a member of the Temptations. No longer is Jamie Foxx a comedian or actor, he now makes his living ripping off old black motown legends. Good times. Also a surprise, he has grown his hair out so that you can't see his crazy stupid head tattoo.
The show is nearly at 3 hours and so CBS decides it's time to slow it down (after a very solid first 3 hours, bravo CBS) and take 12 minutes worth of commercial breaks before the last performance. Unfortunately I stuck around to see Lil Wayne do a tribute to New Orleans (I was hoping he would play his awesome new rock song "Prom Queen" - youtube it for fun) but instead a whole bunch of brass instruments came out and he rapped. Boring.
I didn't stick around for album of the year because I knew it would go to Robert Plant for some god awful reason (voters liked Led Zepplin?) I woke up the next morning to see that I was correct and once again, the Grammys end on a sour note! Nothing like ending a solid show with 28 minutes of commercials and 2 minutes worth of giving false praise to an album that no one bought or will listen to and enjoy.
A belated Super Bowl blog will run later this week.
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