The Time I Visited Texas - Day 3

Day 3 and 4 of Texas were pretty grueling. After getting in at 4 AM Friday night from work I had the chance to sleep for two hours on a couch too small for my gigantic (pink) thighs. That's ok, it was all worth it because I had a scratchy blanket to cover me from the bone chilling Texas heat.

When I awoke at 6 AM, I did some stretches and realized that my ankle was locking up on me (in no way do I relate this to the fact that I was recently diagnosed as 40 lbs overweight...much). So I stretched the ole ball and chain out and went to work. The good news about today's event was that it was outdoors on the third floor of a restaurant, even better news was that the equipment company we hired for sound only had 3 guys show up for load in and thus I was put on the task (note I was also RUNNING the stage, I am way too fragile for this).

After suffering through several cuts to the wrists and hands and snapping my ankle in half I was able to finish loading in (only 6 hours till load out). Throughout the event the ankle locked up more and I, being the weather wizard I am, became quite sunburned in the forearm area.

Load out was less painful (other than my no-food induced vomitting spat. Have you ever puked only water? It's really quite a good time.) I went back to the hotel bleeding from several locations (including my ankle which was now completely severed) and decided i probably needed to eat SOMETHING. I think about ordering food in but realize I have no cash and I've learned never to trust a delivery boy with your credit card. So, I decided to haul ass down to What-A-Burger.

What-A-Burger is a restaurant chain in...the South? (I Would leave the question mark off, but I live in the south and have never seen one. So I'll just say Texas.) What-A-Burger is a restaurant in Texas ...well it's fast food. Anyway, like the name says, I've heard they make very good burgers. I hobble my way 3 blocks down the street (my ankle is held on with glue, courtesy of the Hanson Brothers) and on my way I notice a large amount of people literally scurrying across the street. During SXSW most of the people on the street are hipsters from out of town, and would never even be seen scurrying (I'm surprised they are willing to walk in the heat). I knew this must be special. Then it clicked.

ICE CUBE was playing a free show tonight!!!! Yes THE Ice Cube from Daddy Day Care 2 fame!!!! (Oh god I hope he re-enacts scenes from the movie. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.) I decided that the townsfolk would probably steal my foot and try to get it autographed, so I traversed forward to What-A-Burger. Once I got there I realized this was possibly worse than Bojangles. The menu looked like shit and they barely had interesting names for their burgers. I decided on a number 5 - which had some sort of meat followed by cheese and more meat.

Now I normally peel everything right off the burger other than meat and cheese (lettuce and tomato are just a tad to healthy for fast food). However, on this burger they put EVERYTHING on. Lettuce, Tomato, Onions, Pickles, Mustard...and no ketchup. Thus, after hobbling back to my room, I spent the next 10 minutes making sure there were no remnants of mustard or onions on the burger. By the time the burger was probably too cold and thus, it sucked. So the lesson here is that What-A-Burger isn't as good as advertised (even though I've never seen an ad for it...and as a matter of fact, I have no idea where I heard about it.)

Once I throated the burger down I turned on the tube (it was 7 at this point and I was about an hour away from bed). I turn on True Lies and luckily its the scene where alleged bulldyke Jamie Lee Curtis strips for her husband, as her husband poses as a rich man hiring a prostitute and she poses as a prostitute trying to seduce a rich man so that she can save her husband. (I've seen this movie 3 times and this is the only scene I've every seen...yeah. it's that good). I proceed to watch the end of the scene and try to erase my mind from thinking of Jami Lee Curtis in any sort of sexual way.

Sleep finds me moments later - early flight to catch. The good news is that I'll get to see 4 cities tomorrow!!!! Hooray for layovers! I'm sure that with air travel in its currently amazing state this wont be an issue. Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of "The Time I Visited Texas."