When we first walked into the bar they were playing "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha - interesting to note because there is so much auto tune in the original song that any cover of it will instantly sound awful (not that the original doesn't sound awful, but just imagine this song being sung by a female singer who has lost her voice at least 3 songs ago and actual instruments that dont keep time.) What made this even better was that Derril doesn't know any top 40 music, so I got to explain to him what each song was as it came on. In case you were wondering, other hits of today included a second rendition of Tik Tok 30 minutes later, some Journey, I feel like Avril Lavigne was in there, and they closed with Bon Jovi (as mandated by New Jersey law).
Note: I'm actually quite angry that I can't remember each song they played, because they played a lot of recent songs and just destroyed all of them in the worst way possible. Oh wait, they also covered Sublime, where a drunk guy took the microphone and started singing as the bass player wildly waved at the "sound guy" to cut his microphone. He did this at the expense of playing his instrument.
Let's go through the band member by member:
Female Singer - I'm not sure if she lost her voice or if she just normally speaks like she's on pace to get a voice box by age 34, probably a combination of both. She tried hard, and definitely rocked, but her voice was beyond gone and she was as attractive as you expect a 20 something singer in an awful cover band to be. She was the star of the group. BY FAR.
Grade: B-
Lead Guitarist - Looks wise he was completely non-descript, kind of like his parents made him take guitar classes forever but all he wanted to do was play video games, so he never developed a love for any one type of music. Which is why he plays in a cover band in Manville. I guess he played well enough because I could always tell what song they were playing, so ummm...hooray?
Grade: B
(Here comes the fun part)
Rhythm Guitarist - This fella alternated between guitar and keyboard (sometimes in the same song!) and looked like he was the most cliche douchebag in the world. His attire included, a sweater, with a hoodie over it, with a sport coat over the top of that. His hair was perfectly/imperfectly quaffed to the correct level of messiness and he was tall enough to stick out above the rest of the band. I wanted to break his knees with a ballpeen hammer. Performance wise he was on the level of a third grader. You haven't lived until you've heard him play Ke$ha on keyboard.
Grade: F-
Bass Player - The bass player was the most audible one in the band - constantly over singing off key into the microphone and overwhelming the lead singer. He was also the dick who shut off the drunk guy's mic and he routinely just stopped playing the bass to look cool or to sing. There were several times where Derril winced at how loud and off some bass notes were. It was that bad. He also had long stringy hair if I remember. Just picture Andrew WK.
Grade: F-
Drummer - This man was the reason for the band being awful. He just could not not not not play on time (pretty sure it's the drummer's job to be on time) and so every song went from too fast to to slow and some parts just were missing drums because he forgot, I think. It was so bad, I feel bad for making fun of him, like he literally might have a handicap where he cant count to 4.
Grade: Incomplete.
Tomorrow: A picture essay of the evening.
No comments:
Post a Comment