The Time I Almost Got Knifed (Theoretically)

I recently put my iPhone up on craigslist, it was old, it was broken and I just wanted some money for it. I put it up for $100, listed all the issues with it and still got six responses within 3 minutes of posting it.

The responders had names like "KoKo" "D-Block Dave" and "Keiko Nguyen". There was an overwhelming feeling of illegality, but maybe that's just me being biased against prison references. I was trying to be fair and thus, I emailed the first in line. Koko.

I text messaged KoKo as he requested and told him the phone was indeed still available if he wanted to pick it up the day of. He instantly got back to me and our conversation went something like this:

Me: Ok, where do you want to meet, I live near the Sheridan redline stop (its a big train station, if you know the city, its easy to find).

Koko: I dont know where that is. Give me the exact address.

Me: (Deciding to give him the address of the bar down the street) 4000 Sheridan Rd.

Koko: Oh, yeah I know where that is. I'll be there sometime before 5. Will you have the money?

Me: Uh....I'm SELLING a phone.

Koko: Oh yeah..uhh ok, I'll be there soon.

Me: (Now extremely nervous) Nevermind, I have someone else that will buy it sooner.

Koko: HOW SOON, I CAN GET THERE RIGHT NOW

Me: Dont worry about it. Sorry for the mixup.

Koko: ILL GIVE YOU $110!

Koko: (5 minutes later) ARE YOU WAITING FOR ME OR NOT.

Me: No.

So how do you tell a possible psychopath named Koko that you are scared he might be a psychopath. The man wanted to know my address, wasnt even totally aware of the transaction and was desperate to meet me. Yeah....I was about to get knifed.

Then, I decided to throw out the rules and just email the person with the most normal sounding name. His name was George SOMETHING VERY RUSSIAN. But he could pick it up very quickly and he actually knew that he was buying it, always a plus. He says to meet him on a neighbor corner, so I stand out there for 15 minutes, looking like I was ready to make a drug deal.

The russian pulls up in a tinted window Scion and I'm immediately certain he's in the russian mob and he needs a bunch of extra cell phones (I know how this works, I've seen the Wire.) He checks the phone, chastises me for not using a screen cover and then gives me a speech about how hes going to have to replace parts and bla bla bla, apparently its worth it to refurbish old iPhones from 3 years ago when new ones can be purchased for $200. So he gives me $80, and in fact pulls out a wad of cash that ONLY has $80 in it, which seems weird because he had originally said $100, so I'm thinking he was thinking $80 the whole time.

I didnt want to get stabbed by anyone else, so I took the deal and was happy. The lesson, as always, never ever sell electronics on craigslist. God forbid there be a normal soccer mom who wants to buy an iPhone for her son. No, it has to be all phone refurbishers and dealers who literally spend all day scouring CL to buy iPhones so that they can sell them again.