Friday, November 23, 2007

I Love Airports, I Hate Flying

Recently, I've been flying more than (Al Qaeda operative in a Florida training center (Too soon?) and I've come to notice one thing. I absolutely love airports but detest flying, mostly because I fear for my own safety.

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE.

Example 1: On the way from Raleigh Durham to New York, I boarded a 6 AM flight and as we were filing into the plane which was about 2 feet too small for ole Kelson and as I sit down in my aisle AND window seat I see two middle eastern men. Now lets be fair, NO ONE gets on an airplane anymore and isn't slightly profiling the other passengers. So that's that. At that point I'm still calm, until we take off in this plane that holds approximately 8 passengers, or roughly the same amount as Aaliyah's plane! So we are in the air, the brisk North Carolina landscape whizzing by, from above I see pig races and klan meetings, so I quietly return to my book. 5 minutes later the "electronics are ok" ding goes off and the stewardess, who could possibly pass for Grace from Grace Under Fire and in the middle of her explanation BAM - Middle Eastern man #2 stands up and starts moving around this multi-million dollar coffin.

She immediately yells at him to sit down and at that point I close my eyes and hope to sleep, so that when I die the last thing I remember is Brett Butler giving a stern lecture, rather than a mass of fire and metal coming at me. The rest of the flight goes off without incident, unless you count sawing off your own legs to get more comfortable. But in the end, I sewed my legs back on and walked out unscathed.

Now, was I ok? Possibly, but I'm still scarred for life. It was bad enough that ANYONE was standing up - what is the reason for standing up 2 minutes into the flight? Couple that with the resurgence of a good ole Jihad and I shit my pants. No Joke.

Anyway, I do love airports - to make my 6 AM flight I woke up at 3 AM and was at the airport and through security by 4:15 AM. Premature? yes, but aren't I always? In that 2 hours I was able to bask in a fully crowded and bustling airport (the A&W hot dog stand his huge at 5 AM) without interacting with a single person. Headphones on and blaring I was able to fully enjoy a completely public place without any of that public interaction I hear so much about.

High Tech? Yes, please.

So you don't have the same irrational fear of public settings and elevators I do? Well the airport can still be cool. Just go to one - LOOK how cool it is. Everything is so high tech. Especially in real cities like New York, with their moving sidewalks and video game centers. NBA JAM while I Wait? FAAAAAAAAAntastic. I get a very good sensation gliding down and 1.5 times the pace of non-moving sidewalk walkers, an arrogance that I will not soon forget.

Can I live in an airport? Or just travel between airports for the rest of my life...without the traveling..

As always - I will leave you with some lyrics that mean a lot to me. This week - FERGIE - "Clumsy"


Fergie wetting herself.........Now


Can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it

First time
That I saw your eyes
Boy you looked right through me, mmmhmm
Play it cool
But I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mmm mmm

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you

Can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it

Can't breath
When you touch my sleeve,
Butterflies so crazy, mmm mmm
Whoa now, think I'm goin down
Friends don't know whats with me, mmm mmm

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you

Can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me
This love sick thing
I like serious relationships and a
A girl like me dont stay single for long
Cuz everytime a boyfriend and I break up
My world is crushed and I'm all alone
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back

Can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you

So in love with you
So in love with you

Things that make me go ummm? this week:

- There are not one but TWO Christmas Movies aimed at African Americans this year. Two too many?
- Went to Best Buy for Black Friday - waited in line outside for AN HOUR at 5 AM, infuriated, I realized I am a moron and secretly wished Best Buy would knife itself. That is until I went to Circuit City, where they didn't make ANYONE wait outside. How nice I thought, until I walked in-store and saw the check-out line was wrapped around the entire perimeter of the store. Hey Circuit City, ummm do you maybe want to have more than 3 registers open on the biggest shopping day of the year? K. Thanks.
- I may or may not be addicted to America's Next Top Model on Vh1, NOT CW. I love these marathons.

Currently Listening to : Say Anything - In Defense of the Genre

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