The Time I Tweeted the VMA's (in reverse order)

1. Hey Folk(s) !!!!
   This is my twitter feed from last night's VMAs. SO....you probably want to scroll all the way to the bottom and read up, so this makes at least some sense.
   Also, thank you @DanielZragna for your interactions. They are included.
   I meant to say puking. Damn auto correct. She makes me' puke. Duhabout 17 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
   • Delete
2. Chelsea handler ends the night in a skintight dress. Let the liking commence!!!about 17 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
3. The name of this song is ballerinas and rapabout 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhonedanielZragna
   @ummmwtfblog that's a lot of protein.
4. It IS meatabout 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
5. “@pattonoswalt: The VMAs are an R-rated episode of Yo Gabba Gabba where the day's lesson is "Desperation."” <<>about 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
6. “@danielZragna: @ummmwtfblog a boner killer. that's who.” <<>about 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
7. Who the fuck is this?!?!,!, anyone know?about 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
8. Hayley Williams looks like an adult. Who knew?about 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
9. I don't like the look of this bruno mars fellaabout 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
10. Sofia vergara can barely speak English. Or she's playing up a stereotype of a Latina woman. No one wins here.about 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
11. Is this the drake that owns the snack cakes?about 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
12. Taylor swift, Simon cowell would say you are a bit pitchy. Also not a fan of the guitarist who uses too mch hairspray. Bon jovi called.about 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
13. Lady gaga should literally win every award shes nominated for. Shes the only one who still tries to make videos interesting. Yeah I said itabout 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
14. Bieber playing drums off time. I'm wetabout 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
15. “@danielZragna: Ellen Page looks good in a backwards hat and sure can dance!” <<>about 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
16. Bieber surrounds himself with only adult male Asians and black guys. Weird or not weird?about 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
17. The bieb is definitely not singing live. Ashlee Simpson strikes againabout 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
18. Kim k definitely fucked bieber already right? We all agree on thisabout 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
    danielZragna
    @ummmwtfblog his diabetes spreading continues. The MONSTER.
19. Ohhh yeah, I guess I should probably settle down with this lady who I knocked up twice 10 years ago. Good thing I banged 1000 girls b4 thatabout 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
20. Bret michaels tries to bang ladies for 3 seasons on tv. Now I'm supposed to believe he found love with the mother of his childrenabout 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
21. That new show where a rich white guy with nothing to do pretends to be a rapper and a homeless person is going to be the worst show ever.about 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
    
    danielZragna
    @ummmwtfblog dude. the glowing, big-headed mouse dj?about 19 hours ago via web in reply to ummmwtfblog
22. That dj with the Glow in the dark mickey mouse ears is ballin. Beyond ballin. I need to go to thereabout 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
23. @danielzragna you voted for nicki manaj how many times?about 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
24. @danielZragna I think they banged. Hard.about 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone in reply to danielZragna
    danielZragna
    @ummmwtfblog DRAKE NXT 2 LADY GAGA!!! DO U THINK THEIR FRENS??
25. I think if gaga was a true artist shed just go ahead and have her feet surgically altered to hoofsabout 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
26. Ohhhh shit son. I still have it. 1/1about 20 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
27. Lady gaga wins best female video. Or else I'll listen to ke$ha non stop for a monthabout 20 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
    
    1. @ummmwtfblog First herpes reference: 12 minutes.about 20 hours ago via web
       • Reply
28. Wikipedia claims her age is 35. Yeaaaaaa not buying it. Also she just made a pokemon joke. So hip!about 20 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
29. I think ms handler may have been to Heidi montags surgeon. Her face is beyond stretched.about 20 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
30. What a terribly awkward intro. Bring back fallonabout 20 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
    danielZragna
    @ummmwtfblog over.about 20 hours ago via web in reply to ummmwtfblog
31. Over under on Chelsea handlers real age + number of crappy sex jokes she makes. I say 97about 20 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
32. I remember when I used to think eminem rhymed well. I don't have that problem anymoreabout 20 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
33. VMA's tonight. Pop Culture haven city for this blog.

The Time Google Murdered Me

So, you might have noticed that there are no longer ads on this website. Google took them down. After earning over $220 thanks to people who click ads because these ads interest them (and only that reason, of course), google took interest in a blog that only gets 30-50 readers per day and saw that it was making money and decided it was illegal. So they took it all back and I'm never allowed to use adwords again. Yikes.

Tomorrow, I'll have a twitter recap of the VMAs. I hope you still read this blog, even though the only content now is my writing, I know you all loved those ads!

The Time I Almost Got Knifed (Theoretically)

I recently put my iPhone up on craigslist, it was old, it was broken and I just wanted some money for it. I put it up for $100, listed all the issues with it and still got six responses within 3 minutes of posting it.

The responders had names like "KoKo" "D-Block Dave" and "Keiko Nguyen". There was an overwhelming feeling of illegality, but maybe that's just me being biased against prison references. I was trying to be fair and thus, I emailed the first in line. Koko.

I text messaged KoKo as he requested and told him the phone was indeed still available if he wanted to pick it up the day of. He instantly got back to me and our conversation went something like this:

Me: Ok, where do you want to meet, I live near the Sheridan redline stop (its a big train station, if you know the city, its easy to find).

Koko: I dont know where that is. Give me the exact address.

Me: (Deciding to give him the address of the bar down the street) 4000 Sheridan Rd.

Koko: Oh, yeah I know where that is. I'll be there sometime before 5. Will you have the money?

Me: Uh....I'm SELLING a phone.

Koko: Oh yeah..uhh ok, I'll be there soon.

Me: (Now extremely nervous) Nevermind, I have someone else that will buy it sooner.

Koko: HOW SOON, I CAN GET THERE RIGHT NOW

Me: Dont worry about it. Sorry for the mixup.

Koko: ILL GIVE YOU $110!

Koko: (5 minutes later) ARE YOU WAITING FOR ME OR NOT.

Me: No.

So how do you tell a possible psychopath named Koko that you are scared he might be a psychopath. The man wanted to know my address, wasnt even totally aware of the transaction and was desperate to meet me. Yeah....I was about to get knifed.

Then, I decided to throw out the rules and just email the person with the most normal sounding name. His name was George SOMETHING VERY RUSSIAN. But he could pick it up very quickly and he actually knew that he was buying it, always a plus. He says to meet him on a neighbor corner, so I stand out there for 15 minutes, looking like I was ready to make a drug deal.

The russian pulls up in a tinted window Scion and I'm immediately certain he's in the russian mob and he needs a bunch of extra cell phones (I know how this works, I've seen the Wire.) He checks the phone, chastises me for not using a screen cover and then gives me a speech about how hes going to have to replace parts and bla bla bla, apparently its worth it to refurbish old iPhones from 3 years ago when new ones can be purchased for $200. So he gives me $80, and in fact pulls out a wad of cash that ONLY has $80 in it, which seems weird because he had originally said $100, so I'm thinking he was thinking $80 the whole time.

I didnt want to get stabbed by anyone else, so I took the deal and was happy. The lesson, as always, never ever sell electronics on craigslist. God forbid there be a normal soccer mom who wants to buy an iPhone for her son. No, it has to be all phone refurbishers and dealers who literally spend all day scouring CL to buy iPhones so that they can sell them again.

Sorry for the lack of updates this week, I started work again and my body and mind have not adjusted to "work." So even though I'm only working 9-5, I basically shut down at 5:30 and go to bed at 9pm. It's good times.

I'll be back with all new stuff next week.